There seems to be a new trend on Instagram and Twitter: internet dating shaming. Women (and some men!) post screenshots of the disappointing messages they have exchanged with a dud date and exclaim how “OVER” the apps they are!...
I get it. We've all had guys waste our time. Internet dating CAN be really tedious. It's only natural to want to vent our frustration.
But I wonder if the effort taken to post these experiences is helpful?
I have no doubt that it won’t change the duds behaviour... if he didn’t have enough of a conscience to care about what his potential date thought of him, he certainly won’t care about the social media masses opinions!
Also, what we focus on we enhance. By taking the time to reproduce these experiences we are making them more memorable for ourselves. These irritations become a larger proportion of our total dating experience than if we just blocked and forgot.
We also may be negatively impacting our single woman community! On the one hand someone reading the posts might experience a sense of solidarity: "Phew! I'm not the only one being treated like this!" However, most women on dating apps want to meet a nice guy. By filling their social feeds and their heads with plentiful examples of the not-so-nice guys we could be discouraging them and contributing to a sense of hopelessness.
The world is not always a fair place. Not all guys are nice guys. Yes, internet dating apps can be used for hook ups. Because of this, you can’t control the type of messages a match will choose to send you. But you CAN control how you respond to them.
Just like training a naughty puppy, we are far better off giving bad behaviour as little attention as possible: as soon as the conversation gets inappropriate or disrespectful say you are not interested and delete it. Then focus your attention on the more interesting profiles and conversations. Post THESE examples on your socials to encourage other ladies and give them hope.
If we don't take an active stance against perpetuating the man myths "all the good ones are taken" and "all men are players" then we are as guilty as the bad guys in contributing to our own sense of frustration and despair.
They say "chivalry is dead" and I too have seen many examples of this. However I believe it is up to every individual, women as well as men, to put their best foot forward and contribute to a culture of healthy boundaries, respect and good manners in the dating world. I'd love to see as many of us as possible creating a #modernchivalry movement!