Dating doesn't always feel good. But neither does exercise, eating broccoli, or going to the dentist always feel good. Sometimes the things that are the most important are the things that we get the most negative emotions around. So it's good to know what you're dealing with when these feelings come up:
Embarrassment – Something that is fleeting, eventually funny and very normal.
Guilt – When you feel you have behaved badly. Guilt is often is a positive motivator of change.
Shame – When you feel you are bad, unlovable and not good enough for connection. Shame does not motivate change, encourages hopelessness, depression and avoidance.
Humiliation – When we feel someone has unfairly or undeservedly treated us badly. Humiliation can often turn to shame when it is repeated (you eventually believe it).
The Dating Baddies
The above emotions, based on Bene Brown’s analysis, occur commonly in individuals who struggle with dating. However it is useful to be able to distinguish what emotion you are feeling specifically, if you are hoping to learn how to feel better while dating.
Embarrassment : “OMG I can’t believe I had parsley stuck in my teeth that whole date!” Guilt: “Eeek, I’m running half an hour late to meet my date” Shame: “I’m so dumb, there is no way she/he would want to go out with me” Humiliation: “I can’t believe he/she treated me like that in front of his/her friends!”