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Sydney NSW, Australia 2000

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© 2017

By now you've probably gathered that I don't like prescriptive "rules" when it comes to dating. I believe everyone is an individual with their own personal history, vales and dreams and so what is right for one person is rarely appropriate for another. 

I also don’t believe in inauthentic dating: following a pre-prescribed system in order to artificially enhance your attractiveness will only potentially land you a partner who is not suited to you.

I do believe that should we want a relationship,...

There seems to be a new trend on Instagram and Twitter: internet dating shaming. Women (and some men!) post screenshots of the disappointing messages they have exchanged with a dud date and exclaim how “OVER” the apps they are!...

I get it.  We've all had guys waste our time.  Internet dating CAN be really tedious.  It's only natural to want to vent our frustration. 

But I wonder if the effort taken to post these experiences is helpful? 

I have no doubt that it won’t change the duds behaviour... i...

I heard a story today which I imagine is unfortunately all too common.

The lady in question, let’s call her Ms Spectacular (Ms S), was telling me about a romance she had enjoyed over Christmas time.

She met her guy, let’s call him Mr Emotionally Mature (Mr EM) at a friend’s party. They had hit it off and so she had asked her mutual friend about him. Low and behold he was single (*yay!*) but only recently out of a 5 year relationship (*boo!*). Turns out he asked about her too, and so Ms S and Mr E...

Do you groan when you hear the words Valentine’s Day?

It’s more common than not, if you’re single.

Valentine’s Day is the day of the year seemingly designed to make single people feel crap about themselves.

Tables for two, hearts and flowers, schmarmy cards, and stuffed animals—it’s easy to scorn a day that is so cliché.

But what if I said to you that the greater our contempt for Valentine’s Day, the more we need to look to our own self-acceptance?

According to legend, Valentine’s Day was named...

Psychological research suggests that people who are prone to anxiety and depression are most likely to struggle with ambiguity.

In the face of ambiguous situations, those who are anxious or depressed tend to think the worst and most threatening interpretations of the events. Unfortunately dating is a minefield of ambiguity and the threat of rejection is all too real for some Singlettes:

“Why didn’t he call?”
“Is he dating other people?”
“Does he really like me?”
“What should I do in this situatio...

Yes, we are hitting the hard topics today ladies:  SHAME

  • Shame is that feeling you get when someone asks you “why are you single?”

  • Shame is what causes you to avoid online or formalised dating channels or deny you are online dating.

  • Shame is that feeling that happens when he doesn’t call… And even though you weren’t that into him, you are still upset.

  • Shame causes you to tell your friends (if untruthfully) that you are not interested in a relationship

  • Shame causes you to...

We have all done it.... done something we feel was really stupid in the dating world and beat ourselves up for it. We drank too much and did things we regret.  We spoke too much or too little.  We didn’t say or do the right thing.  We made ourselves vulnerable, showed our romantic interest, and then felt it wasn’t reciprocated.

In a classic example, a client described a slip whereby she accidentally referred to her date as her boyfriend in front of him.  This relationship status was by...

One of the things I am always asked is ‘When should I contact him?’.

As in my post about the SMH article: ‘Are the rules redundant?’, my general advice is to contact him when you feel like it.

If you are excited about connecting with him, showing him that he is on your mind is not a bad thing, it is flattering! At worst, he will give you the impression that he doesn’t want to have contact as much as you do. If this lack of availability or disinterest continues, then this is VERY good in...

Thanks to one of my favourite singlettes who raised this very common question:

“Tell me – if you don’t want to respond to a guy’s advances in a kissing sense, by the second or third date, but you do enjoy hanging out with them, does that mean that you aren’t really attracted to them? … Should I not go on more dates with them?”

I believe we all bring all sorts of variation into each and every dating encounter we have. Our experience of any one date is influenced by all sorts of factors including:...

Ever wondered why some times you just ‘click’ with someone and other times the date just feels ‘off’, you don’t warm to him, or feel like you have much connection?

John and Julie Gottman are well renowned couples therapists and researchers, almost single-handedly responsible for most of the scientific reasearch on what makes a successful relationship. Although they mainly study established relationships, knowing what makes for a good relationship can be VERY useful for singles!

Usually when you d...

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